Feeling much better today..sorry about the moan last night!🙈
Today is the Hindu festival of colours. I am a Muslim but I like to take parts from other religions that appeal to me. I feel that we all have the same root beliefs and goals but just take different paths. This festival of colours had to be mentioned as it celebrates all the colours around us!
Holi is popularly known as the Indian “festival of colours” It signifies the arrival of spring, the end of winter, the blossoming of love, and for many a festive day to meet others, play and laugh, forget and forgive, and repair broken relationships.
I also encourage my family to give something up for Lent from the Christian faith. Such beautiful lessons to learn.
The saturday sabbath from the Jewish faith where they don’t use any machinery, including no driving. I love this idea..imagine a day of no screens and you just spend time relaxing with the family!
Dr chatterjee (from the book I am listening to) also mentions having a no technology sabbath one day a week. No devices! Bliss!! 😇
I have always felt that we really should celebrate our similarities instead of magnifying any slight differences!
So true!👆💜
The heart of all religions I have come across is being peaceful and good! This is the way forward. We are all branches of the same tree!
(The last sentence was added by DS who has also spell checked this as the kids always tell me I have too many spelling and grammar mistakes! Proud teacher mummy moment lol. 💙)
Feel low today. So exhausted. The ‘dreaded chemo fatigue’, a lot of Nausea, and I have cried for about 2 hours on and off. Tears just roll down. Thank goodness for my eye mask to cover it up if I dont want people to ask me questions about why I am crying because there is normally no reason. It just happens. New symptoms are heartburn, weak limbs and body pain. Nothing unbareable alhamdulillah (Praise be to God).
When I started chemo a few people said to me to make sure i finish the course of chemo therapy. I now understand what they meant. I really feel for those who have to go through this alone or while still having to fend for the kids and cook etc. I am so blessed to have such a supportive network and this is why I have got this far and will definitely complete all 12 cycles! I have faith that the almighty will keep giving me the strength I need!🤲
I keep reminding myslef of this 👆
Ok so let’s find some rainbows in today :
🏳️🌈 Finger prickly feeling has decreased quite significantly so I am not wearing gloves all the time.
🏳️🌈 there are medicines to counteract all the symptoms!!🎉
🏳️🌈I managed to get a Tuesday chemo appointment for next session so I can attend d DD parentgģ evening!
I have had an amazing week and,therefore, not had time to write! Went on a spa break with DH. It was so relaxing. We had booked it ages ago and we were going to cancel it but then I remembered that we are meant to enjoy the journey and not just be waiting until this phase is finished.
In the school staffroon we would be so excited when it is nearly friday.. then one day a colleague said to me…
” “You know we are just counting down our time on this earth. Each week we complete, we are closer to our death!”
Initially I just looked at her and told her to stop being so negative…then I got thinking and it made so much sense. We are often so focused on reaching our goals that we forget to enjoy the journey to it. 🎖🎖
Anyway, so we went to Champneys and I am so glad we did. I wanted to go more for DH to be honest as I am pretty much chilling all the time!! I must admit that I slept for a lot of it but hey…whatever makes me relaxed right. 🤣I got lots of time to read my book too. I have started reading the book below after it being recommended to me bu several friends. I am enjoying it and learning lots as well!
Dr Chatterjee talks about preventing illnesses by looking after our bodies. He says it is simple to do if we go with what is meant to be natural for us and not overdo anything. Some points I remember:
🏳️🌈 eating the colours of the rainbow in each meal.
🏳️🌈 lots of fruits and vegetables. Growing your own is even better of course!
🏳️🌈 approx 8 glasses of water a day. I have started keeping a thermos of hot water by my bedside table at night so I can start my day by drinking 3 glasses of warm water. This way I an ahead of the game before I even start my day! He suggested this as well as drinking a glass if water half an hour before each meal.
🏳️🌈 fit exercise into daily activities walking is best! For example, take the stairs instead of lift or park the car a bit further from your destination and walk the rest.
Play with the kids or take up a sport that you enjoy so you are exercising while having fun. This way you are more likely to keep it up!
An interesting fact that Dr Chatterjee mentioned is the content of our supermarkets and how only a few aisles sell REAL food. (Such as the fruit and veg) All the rest is processed manmade products that we have been brainwashed into buying and making a part of our diets today.
🏳️🌈 finding relaxation time for yourself!
🏳️🌈 sleeping and waking at a similar time each day including weekends.
He says that this way our bodies are kept in a good condition and we are less likely to get unwell. Our body’s immunity will be naturally higher and we can fight diseases off as we have been designed to. At the moment we are not getting the right nutrients and are neglecting our body’s cry for help!
As a doctor, he realised over time that the medicines he was giving was just to mask his patients’ symptoms temporarily and not a long term solution. So he actually started to prescribe lifestyle changes such as some ‘time for yourself everyday, sich as taking a 10minute walk alone or meditating. He saw amazing results where people were actually cured of chronic headaches,diabetes and digestive diseases!
Lots to learn and think about in this book. I hope to finish it this week💚
We must listen to our body!
Chemo tomorrow! This week has gone way too fast but I made the most if every minute I think!! 🎉
A midnight conversation with DH triggered lots of thoughts in my head! It probably was a bit too intense just before bed but it was great! He read through a description of heaven and how beautiful it will be.
Got us discussing life and how we get so caught up in it. We so easily forget that we are not here for long! As humans we seem to be running after worldly success and it is often defined by money! (Again socially determined!).
How can we let money define us? How is that success?
Yes obviously we need it and I am guilty of shopping and buying things just because I want them. In fact, during my illness I actually started buying things just to have something to look forward to. Like a new top or a new hat. Nothing wrong in a little indulgence I guess😉..it brought me some happiness but I did have to then stop myself when it got a bit too much. The amazon deliveries every morning lol! Sorry DB and DM for the constant door bell ringing 🙈😂!
But too much money brings it’s own issues! We then have the responsibility of using it in the right way as we will need to justify every penny! Greed can become a growing problem as well and the scariest, I believe, is pride! We begin to feel superior than others based on material measurements, such as a flash car or a huge house! We begin ti feel more important than the next person. We forget that this is all given to us by God and can be taken away in a split second if he wishes.
So going back to my very first blog post...is having lots of money a blessing or a test?
Oh this reminds me of an appropriate poem which I absolutely love:
What more can I ask for…woke up to DD showing me cooking videos..mouth watering recipes including hone made naan bread (which she later made and were scrumptious!). It was lovely to spend time in bed just talking with her and chilling!
She is at that age where she can explore everything…often I feel we get carried away with school and academic success. GCSE’s are important of course, but at the same time they are mainly judging children on how well they can retain information and apply it in an exam situation. This is important of course.
However, We must remember to equip our children for the real world. Especially good morals that they should remember in everything they do. Children have so many opportunities around them to build and learn other skills. Let’s allow them to have that time to just be and discover. Such a short time in their lives where they are learning new things about the world around them . This is the time they can find out how real life works, as well as what they actually enjoy doing! Oh and social skills.. how important! I love that my kids get to be in the kitchen cooking and setting the table with nani and the family. Talking around the dinner table. Helping to fold clothes while hearing stories about ‘back in the days’.Watching ‘blockbusters’ and ‘masterchef’ with everyone and voting ok who is going to win…the excitement and fun is in the togetherness! That is something we cannot teach them in the classroom! Priceless. I feel that too often we allow the academic side of education to take over.
We take the kids to all the extra tuition and clubs and whatever the ‘trend’ is! Which may be great for some but let’s just take a moment and make sure that they are actually benefiting from them. Would they gain more from an hour of one to one time with mum/dad at the park or just talking and being listened to at home on the sofa!?
This again goes back to the idea of ‘socially determined status’ which i think i mentioned very early on in my blog. Something which initially made me not want to say the word ‘cancer’ to the family. We know people’s immediate reaction to the word!! It is all determined by society. We have made this image ourselves. There are so many different types and stages of cancer. Now most of them are treatable and even curable! There are lots of other illnesses that have no cure but we haven’t heard of them so our reaction to them is different.
We have come into this world and set our own ways. People say something and we follow suit. We forget to think for ourselves. Of the bigger picture.
This quote is what changed my thinking after my surgery. What if we have been put into this world to just have fun? (and be good and kind of course!)
I do now feel that we are taking life too seriously. We know it is temporary and we know who is in charge. How hard can it be? Yet…I find myself getting pulled into it again and again! Last week at the hospital I was fussing about my blood numbers and how they have decreased or increased. Of course it is important but, I reminded myself aboit the greater being who can change these numbers in seconds and asked DH to keep me on track. It is very easy to get pulled in to the medical terms but actually it is all upto him 🤲💙
Just talking….Definitely something I want to continue..we must just pause life and spend time with our loved ones without feeling guilty. Cleaning and cooking will always be there waiting for us when we are done!
DD caught lots of pics of rainbow reflections for me.. thought I would share…so stunning!!
I feel confused at how i used to think that I was running the whole house. I actually thought that I was the one controlling the house and family…lol!I thought that kids would go hungry and wear dirty clothes if I didn’t do it. I was so wrong. I went for surgery and was out of bounds for a few months this and guess what…they have been taken care of. God has sent us all we need to handle this journey that he has chosen for us. I used to forget that God was actually in charge! Love my family 💙
I now realise that this wake up call was sooo needed in my life! Before my diagnosis I never stopped to just enjoy the moment. Mindfulness was not something I actually thought of doing myself. I thought I had to just get on with my robotic routine of working, cooking, cleaning and serving everyone around me. I am not saying I didn’t enjoy it…i did enjoy it…but I feel I missed the whole point of life! Every day passed so quickly and then I was ready for the next! I didn’t appreciate the impact of just being. I forgot to look at the bigger picture! I told children to be mindful and make the most of every moment but I don’t think I did it myself.
I thank God for giving me another chance at life!Another perspective!
I hope that I remember all these things once i am well and back to real life! It is easy for me to say these things now as I am not in the rat race at the moment. The real test for me is yet to come..
I hope to make more time for family…family is everything! Something my parents have instilled in us from a young age but now I see it through my own experiences.
Oh mby the way I feel much better today as you can probably tell from my verbal!! It is sad how I complain so easily about side effects and yet when they disappear I sometimes don’t even acknowledge that it is no longer happening!
Wow I can talk! Think I have written enough for today! Hope some of it makes sense lol!
New side effects: bodyaches and i have developed freckles on my hands 🤔 but I can live with them for a bit!
I started my next diamond painting which is actually a gift for DSister’s beauty salon! A multicolored rose. I will post a pic once I have done some more of it.🌹
DS baked yummy cupcakes for us…looks like there’s another budding baker in the house 🧁🧁🧁
Proud mummy moment!
Hoping to have a good few days ahead before the next chemo (these good days seem to flash by!) 🌈
So I spoke too soon about sleeping like a log😕…I slept for 2 hours and now awake. Chewing gum and having more anti sickness tablets. I have propped up my pillows and this is is helping. Alhamdulillah (praise be to God).
This is what I needed to hear right now👆
So here are my rainbow colours for now which, in all honesty , will be quite tricky to find…
🏳️🌈 at least now I will appreciate it more when i my energy returns and I am no longer having these side effects.
🏳️🌈 looking forward to enjoying the taste of food again. (Think o have gone off jacket potato 🙈).
🏳️🌈 I am quite excited about this new rainbow emoji i found too!
An interesting article I came across about supplements during chemotherapy:
So I will keep the vitamin D going. One tablet a week is doable!
There is a lot of hype over organic food, especially during chemo while your body is so sensitive. Living in a country where so much food is processed, this list is a start for me. Although I am not doing any of it strictly tbh.
Day 3…went in to the hospital to get chemo bottle removed. Have felt nauseous constantly and so tired. I now understand what they meant by ‘chemo fatigue’. So tired all the time. No energy. Even getting out of bed takes a lot of motivation and energy! The upside is that I am sleeping now like a log. However, am not feeling energised when I do wake up.
Tomorrow I will need to keep on top of my vitamins and ‘berroca’ energy boosters!
The constant bitter taste in my mouth has got worse this cycle. I need to find a solution for this as I have not been able to taste my food. I love my food so have to find a way of overcoming this! Mints and chewing gum help .
I know today will be a blur to me in a few days so thought I would write something.
I really want to start my next diamond painting tomorrow! Not had the energy but inshallah tomorrow!
Long day at the hospital today. Started treatment slightly later than usual and had 2 ECG’s done to check heart rate. I have heart palputations randomly a few times a day. Nothing major and apparently a possible side effect of the treatment as well but Nicola just wanted to make sure heart is ok. It is worse when I get stressed or have done a little too much talking/walking/standing! Alhamdulillah results were fine.
I just have to stop and take some time out when this happens and take some long deep breaths and relax until it stops.
🌈 Another excuse to rest lol!😉
🌈 The doc said that the things on my hands were not warts but he’s not worried about it and will hopefully go away on it’s own.
🌈I spent the time in the hospital to cath up on photos and videos of my nephew’s wedding last week which I was sad to miss out on. It felt good to see all the pics though! Made me feel a part of it. 😁💒
Simply beautiful 🔔💍! Photo taken by my representative DD 💜
Cane home from the hospital early evening today and DS wanted to watch an episode of A superhero series with me so did this and ate and then went to sleep. It was an odd time to sleep but I couldn’t stop myslef! Felt a bit better after my nap and ate some dinner.
Was emotional all evening and DH reminded me that it is normal and often the case during the first few days of treatment. But it hurts m my eyes so just can’t let it all out!
🌈The eye mask wis perfect in these situations!! 😎
Reality also hit again today when I told the nurse that my cancer treatment book has not got a page for treatment number 7. She said it is because most people have the 6 cycles only as the cancer is detected early and of a lower stage. Mine was far gone so needs longer. They have decided that I will do 12 treatments in total. It was nice to have DD with us at hosp for a little while.
Once again i urge everyone not to ignore any signs. It is probably nothing but if it is anything at least treatment will be shorter if found early. Most things are treatable these days and technology is moving at such a fast pace, including the medical field.
🌈I reminded myself that everything happens for a reason and God knows best. Once this is all over I will be back to lead a better life Inshallah🎉
Went to mums room before bed and she was watching a TED talk on coming out of your comfort zone. We limit ourselves because we are afraid of failing and judgement from others.
We say things like:
“I am not a cooking person or badminton is not my thing!”
We often also limit our children by labelling them at such a young age:
“Maths is not his/her thing or he/she is not a sports person!”
Who decided that? Why limit and define ourselves? There is always a a first time! All thes professionals around us must have come out of their comfort zone in order to try their skill for the first time! It is the only way to explore the world and opportunities around us. Kids are good at trying new things but somewhere along the lines we adults start to think that we are now defined as a person and the fear of new things takes over! What are we afraid of? Failure? Judgement from others? Let’s believe in ourselves and focus on what makes us happy within. And if we fail, we have learnt something from it!
Proud of myself. Who would have thought..me…quoting from instagram. How cool am I????🦚🆒️
Got me thinking about how I can come out of my comfort zone. Decided to leave it until another Time when the brain is working better lol!
Oh writing this blog is definitely out of my comfort zone! I did find it difficult at first knowing that others are reading my personal diary which I would have usually kept hidden somewhere. I managed to get over it by not thi king too mich about people reading it and trying to just write as I have for years. Writing for myself. To sort out thoughts in my head and reflect on life. Allowing others to join my journey if and when they wish. I have never been good with my phone (I am the last person to call in an emergency lol!). So the blog is a great way of telling my loved ones about what’s happening. I also hope that it may help someone some day. Like I was looking for someones personal experience through this process before I started!
🌈 looking forward to finding a new thing to learn. Out of my comfort zone.
Sorry about possible typos. Just focusing on getting things down.
There have been so many signs around me this week about being nice and doing good things for others. So I felt I had to write about my thoughts. In Anita Moorjani’s books she had said many times that if we are mindful, there are signs all around us.
A WhatsApp forward I was sent showed a cycle of people doing kind gestures. It starts off with one person helping a stranger and then that person helps someone else and so on…until the first person has someone do a good deed for him…it reminded me of the phrase..
‘What goes around…comes around’.
Unknown
I remember showing a similar video to my class of 7 year olds in Sunday School when we were learning about kindness and how they said that the video made them want to go and do good deeds for others!
Does being kind make you feel good?
Everyone has their own story and struggles but we don’t see that. We just see the way they portray themselves. We don’t know what the anyone is going through. We only know our own story so never judge!
This week, the kids have been home so we watched a few movies. One particular Indian movie (English Venglish) really touched me. It showed how one act of kindness can completely change someone’s life! As a family we came up with so many morals in that one story. It showed how everyone is different and we should accept them the way they are. Who are we to decide how someone else should lead their life? Also how one person can also destroy someone’s life by belittling or insulting them.
Yes there are those who may put you down but remember:
“You hold the remote for you! “
We don’t know how hard it was for him/her to wake up in the morning and get dressed. We don’t know if that person has just lost a loved one, been diagnosed with a terminal illness, or just struggling with day to day activities due to mental health… So let’s just be kind!
I feel that often those who put others down are unhappy in themselves so give them the benefit of the doubt. They have a story too and we pray that they will find true happiness one day and be kind to others.
Another sign that made me think about kindness to others was when someone in my life at the moment confided in me about a tragedy she had gone through over 10 years ago.i was so shocked! I would have never thought it. She is always smiling and doing good for others , all while going through so much trauma and hurt herself.
Signs all around me about kindness..I can’t remember them all (chemo brain!) but just want to say huge thanks to all those who have shown kindness to me and my family especially during the time that I have been unwell. I pray that I can pass on that kindness to others Inshallah. (God-willing).
Oh and by the way smiles are contagious too! I have proved it to my kids…try it! You can make anyone smile…just smile at them and eventually they smile back! An act of kindness! And it is fun!! (Ok well… we have had some cases where people just gave us the look which says’ you weirdo!’ 🤣)
On another note, half term is sadly over and kids back to school tomorrow (well today as it is 2am). Good timing for school to start as it’s my chemo day as well. Yes that’s probably why I am awake at this time writing! You would think I would be used to it now but no, I get anxious every cycle. I always do as much as I can before the treatment as I know I become aloof after it.
This morning I woke up with a new side effect! Warts on my thumbs and palms 😕. Very uncomfortable and sometimes painful, Eespecially when I touch something. I have never appreciated my thumbs! Never even acknowledged their necessity until today! How sad that I took them for granted! We use our thumbs for so many things without thought; opening drawers, holding a toothbrush or even a spoon, putting my boots on, holding my teacup, pressing the spray button on my perfume bottle, pouring from the kettle, using the phone or any device, texting, opening the door, spreading butter on bread and so on!!
I am grateful for my thumbs!!!
Oh and today I got alone time at home while DS went to football. It was the first time in ages and i rebelled!! Tea and nutella on a slice of crustless bread while watching MY TV! It felt good!
Very naughty of me I know🙈
Can’t believe DD is getting her braces off tomorrow. One and a half years have flown by!!
Right I need to try and sleep now…got a long day ahead!
So we have come home finally and the building work is done!Feels good to be back. I have to admit I felt a little lost at first but have accepted that I need to just take it easy and do a little bit at a time. Kids were over the moon to be back as well. They miss the extended family obviously!
Home is home💜
Good to see the teamwork going on in the kitchen! Everyone contributing and enjoying at the same time…it’s actually a cool time to bond and the kitchen gets cleaned too!
Guess who is also back???
Yep…Marvel the tabby cat!!!
I was a little nervous about her coming back to be honest. It took me a long time to get used to her when we got her over the summer. I am not an animal person!! However, I have actually been fine since she came yesterday. Proud of myself!!😇
Looking forward to sorting out at least one cupboard today and doing some online returns! Also chilling with the kids..more talking and laughing hopefully!!
Proud of DD for going to help @Dessertfirst cooking classes during half term and the yummy dough balls she made last night. She used spelt flour and they were delicious!I don’t have pictures, just devoured them straight away lol!! She has posted pictures on Instagram I think (#madebysiya) 😋😋
On another note…I loved the ideas below for using with children…it is more for teachers but parents can use then too!⏬
A great way to be specific about why you are praising your child. ‘Well done’ is easier to say but this helps them understand what they did that was good and will (hopefully) encourage them to do it again!
My Rainbow🌈 