Nearly reached the one week marker after chemo. The last few days have been quite tough. I havent had a moment without feeling nauseous despite having so many anti sickness meds. I probably couldn’t tell you what I have done in the past few days either as my head has been everywhere.
Today is a much better day Alhamdulillah. Hoping to have some good days before next cycle.
I have managed to meditate which has been great! Deepak Chopra’s 21 day Abundance meditation has really helped. The idea that there is no limit for kindness and love. You can give as much as you like and will in turn recieve the same!
I have also started reading Anita Moorjani’s second book called ‘What if this is Heaven’. I have only read the introduction but really looking forward to continuing once I feel upto it.
Finished another puzzle with a lot of help from DSis and the kids. Don’t feel like breaking it up so may frame this one as well!!
Looking forward to starting another diamond painting!!
Woke up in the morning feeling good and then went to the hospital to get my bottle removed. After this it all went downhill very quickly. Started feeling so nauseous and still am. I think it is the worst it has ever been in all my chemo cycles. Emotions running wild too😪.
Rainbow colours: 🏳️🌈 fingers not pricking as much and no more cramps in the hands today. Didn’t need to wear gloves today.
🏳️🌈 so happy that my in house beautician (Dsis) did my eyebrows before chemo. I seriously think It has made all the difference to my mood! When I look in the mirror…no more bushy eyebrows!
Very mixed emotions over the last few days. Chemo day was nearing and anxiety kicking in. Anxiety about what? First of all the initial inserting of needle into my portacath. It is my least favourite part of the day at hospital. But the great thing is it is over and done with at the beginning.🎉 Also, the anxiety of side effects and how severe or mild they will be this time. Hoping mild!!
As I settle in my hospital room…I start to think again. The last few weeks have been tough. It was almost like I got re diagnosed and had to understand and accept all my new feelings about the whole situation. I am dealing with it now. I am accepting it again. I keep looking forward to good days but also trying to make the most of the here and now as well. I absolutely love that the kids there when I need a boost if energy. Watching them laugh, play silly games and enjoy themselves gives me so much joy. I think about the people who have been going through treatment for years. What they must go through! Those who do not have the support (both physical and mental). I have everything and more!! I am grateful!! Alhamdulillah!
I am not feeling as strong as I did the first time around. I am hopeful that I will get there through the help of the Almighty. I have also started meditation again. Hoping that it becomes a part of my daily routine forever. Not just during treatment.
The more I meditate and reflect, the more I am realising that everything we do is meant to happen. People we meet, things we see and hear. It is all a sign of something. We just have to take the time to recognise them and understand what we are meant to be learning from it all.
I miss having DH at the hospital with me. Nobody is allowed in anymore because of Covid. Understandable. Going to go and have my lunch now. I am extremely saddened to say that it is not jacket potato as i think i am not a fan anymore!!! It may be because I now associate it with chemo 🤔. Well, I hope I do like them again soon!! Or find a good enough replacement lol.
Colours in the rainbow: 🏳️🌈 I love that I have a few days before each chemo where i have minimal symptoms! Just fatigue which I know will get worse with each progressive session.
🏳️🌈 this is temporary and I know that I will feel normal again once treatment is over
🏳️🌈 the nurses are so loving and energetic. I have got to know most of them now and they are all wonderful! Don’t know how they have so much patience and are always smiling!
🏳️🌈 love my wireless headphones. No extra tangled wires to worry about!!
Today i was up at 7am surprisingly fresh although am still feeling quite nauseous so have taken anti sickness meds. Here I am in bed eating ginger biscuits(in my secret food stash next to my bed) which really do help in the moment. Thanks DH💙
First 2 days after chemo were fine and I felt almost normal apart from tiredness and a little nausea. No pain in the fingers..yay!
But yesterday was a total mix of feelings! Went and got the treatment bottle removed in the hospital. It was a very different experience from pre lockdown! Hardly anyone there.
It felt liberating to have it removed. I was excited for a while but then got absolutely exhausted within a couple of hours. Flashback to how chemo is! It all came rushing back to me. I had left it all behind and now suddenly remembered it all so clearly! The energy comes for a very short time and then disappears just as quickly!
During the evening, suddenly, I felt quite stuffy and needed fresh air so went for a quick walk outside the house. Glad i did because i slept so well after that, might need to do this more often.
We were hoping for the scan results to be better than they were. Good news is that the liver surgery was successful and other shadows have shrunk. But some enlarged lymph nodes have shown up. Need to zap them with immunotherapy in addition to the chemo. So here I am back in the hospital about to start treatment.
I was shocked and not prepared for this but I guess that is the disadvantage with positive thinking…Going forward, I have decided to try and keep an open mind about things. When we plan or envisage things to be a certain way and then they don’t quite go as you thought…it can be quite disheartening. Obviously I must plan things but I will also keep reminding myself that ‘the almighty’ is the best of planners!!
All the memories are coming back as I listen to the sound of nurses talking and machines beeping around me. I had forgotten everything. I have a selective memory lol!! The names of the nurses are all coming back to me as I meet them all (Although it is difficult to recognise them with the masks!). One nurse said ‘Oh hi Nishat….so sorry to see you again’… I laughed and said ‘Wow…i have never been told that before!!’
Let’s find the colours in the rainbow;
🏳️🌈 had an amazing 6 weeks of sun chilling with the kids and DH!😎
🏳️🌈 i will get another diamond painting done and possibly another puzzle (have a solar system one waiting to be completed)
🏳️🌈 the kids will be around me all the time as they won’t be going into school.💜
🏳️🌈 looking forward to spending time with Dsis.💐
🏳️🌈 more time for some audio books.
🏳️🌈 can start up meditation again hopefully.
🏳️🌈 can get pampered again and amazon get their number one customer back!!
I am going to miss mum, DB and the boys who supported me so well during the last treatment. Thank god for phones! Not sure I will be able to handle the video calls but lets see!
love this👆
Ok I am going to go and get some rest now. The chemo effects are starting already..eyes burning and feeling a little nauseous and blurry in the head!
Well you can look forward to more gibberish from me…my apologies in advance if I don’t make sense lol!!
Hi! It has been a long time since I have written so just thought I would fill you in. I have had the liver surgery 4 weeks ago now and am recovering well Alhamdulillah (praise be to God). My energy is coming back too so that’s probably why I have not really had the time or the need to write.
Thanks to those who have messaged asking about me and my apologies for not staying in touch. I thought i would be able to catch up with family and friends during this time at home but it seems that the day goes so quickly now that i am kind of back to doing regular things around the house and with the kids. Sounds crazy but I really don’t know where the time goes! I think I need to review my time management 🤔
It has been heartbreaking hearing about all the deaths recently and it all seems surreal!
For me it has given me more time to adjust back and to be mindful of my new attitude to life. Instead of me coming out of self isolation after my 6months of treatment, the world seems to have joined me! Even with the no hugs! I do miss my hugs but it seem to have become the norm for me now! (By the way I still have my portacath in case I need to do more chemo cycles..my scans next week will determine the next steps of treatment). I am trying my best (I think) to make this a good time for the kids to look back on.
It is also the special month of Ramadhan where we celebrate the revelation of the holy book, the Qur’an. We fast from sunrise to sunset giving the digestive system a well deserved break. It has always been a great detox for me physically, mentally and best of all…spiritually! A time to reflect, pray, appreciate what I have and to show gratitude to the Almighty for all he has blessed dme with.
It is sad not being able to go to the mosque as we usually would but we have got our own fun routine going on at home and I am loving it! (Well..most of the time 😉)
I felt sad not being able to see mum on her birthday but we managed to sneak in a little surprise for her from afar!
It also felt great to get out of the house after ages!
I have still been looking for the rainbow colours in my life and sometimes literally! ( it has been uplifting to see all the NHS rainbows everywhere!).
I am thankful for…
🏳️🌈 bonding time with kids and hubby💜
🏳️🌈 time to sort out cupboards
🏳️🌈 opportunity for the kids to be creative in the kitchen and feed me yummy dishes 😋
🏳️🌈 being able to celebrate the holy month of Ramadhan without the pressures of school and work.
🏳️🌈 having the time to teach the kids skills, such as doing the beds and putting the clothes in the wash!
🏳️🌈 time and weather for giving the garden some love and attention!
🏳️🌈 not having to be alone with our cat, Marvel. ( I am getting better but still not completely comfortable with her…but the kids love her to bits!) 💐
A big shout out to all the teachers!!
.When you meet your class in September, it is a given that they will be yours until the end of the year. It is almost a sense of pride that these children are your responsibility and you set goals for each child and where you aim to get them to by July.
The current situation presents an emotional time for teachers too as they accept that they may not see some of their students through to the end of the year. Imagine, your child is at school for most of the day with their class mates and form teacher. It is like their daytime family! As primary teachers, we form a special bond with each child. At the end of the year…it is like being separated from 30 of our own children!!
I pray for whatever is best for everyone and in the meantime we learn to live with the uncertainty and enjoy the journey as much as we can.
Personal goal:
I want to make more time for myself and meditate every day for at least 14 minutes as I had promised mysef (I have been slacking recently🙈)! Time management!!
What amazing weather we have had recently! Waking up to the sun shining through the window…it’s the best thing!
Played in the garden with the kids again. DS was very polite and strategic about telling me that I was too slow! He went in front of me in the obstacle course he had set up around the garden and said “Ok now do the same thing but i will go in front of you.” It actually worked and made me go faster! 🤣🥰
It feels like we have been spending our days cooking! The kids made chappattis yesterday..they actually turned out quite well!
We had lots of different map shapes . Thb is was a pretty round one!!🎉
DD made protein balls which are delicious and healthy too.😋 Sorry I don’t have a picture but I am sure she will post something on her instagram page (#madebysiya) .🥰
Oh and I made the yummiest chicken pastries 2 days ago! (Even if I do say so myself!) 😌
I am having surgery soon but a minor one this time so am really glad I am getting this time with the kids while I am well. 🤲
We did some painting today which was fun and am thinking of starting a painting for my next personal project!
With the sun shining on us…..Loved it! 🎨🖌🖼
Yesterday, I completed my current diamond painting of a multicolored rose. 💐This one took me a while as i am struggling to find time out now that I am back home. I also need to finish my book ‘The Power’! Not much left so may finish it at the hospital. I feel like I am already goi g back to my old ways…it is so hard to remember to make time for yourself every day! I need to start meditation again as it really helped me to have a good day!
I have just ordered some chairs for the garden…something to look forward to after surgery. Hey..maybe I can meditate on the chairs outside ! 😉😎
Hoping to do some cleaning tomorrow and get the kids involved. In fact, i have so many things in mind that need to be done around the house, such as, rearranging the kitchen cupboards and putting things away in the loft. However, I am trying not to stress about them. I was about to start doing them today but then i chose to go and play with the kids instead. I keep reminding myself that these things can wait but this time with the kids will not come back. Sometimes I feel guilty that there are people suffering or working so hard right now and I am laughing and joking with the children. This is the situation God has presented me with so I am trying to make the most of it. I am so blessed to have the kids.💜
Looking forward to another day tomorrow. I have never truly appreciated the little things in life…this is my chance!!
Honestly don’t know where to start! It has been a long time since my last post. Firstly, I am fine and have actually been busy getting back to doing normal things like cooking, cleaning and spending time with the kids!! (Catching up on almost 6 months of their lives which I missed due to my surgery and chemo). I am back home which is fab and no more chemo for now so I have been making the most of having no sickness etc!
I was so lucky to have that time att mums and Of course I do miss being spoilt there by everyone! I have learnt so much more from mum! I feel a changed person (for the better of course!). Being content. Giving unconditional love to everyone in your life. Accepting everyone for who they are. Putting your ALL into whatever you do and doing it with LOVE without expecting anything in return. Being grateful for absolutely everything! Something that has really stuck is when she was thankful for the sink becoming full of dishes half an hour after she had cleaned everything! She said Alhamdulillah(praise be to God) that i have family to keep my kitchen sink full! She did the same thing with the bin getting full. The kids laughed at that one🤣. Anyway,I now see the world in a different way. Try to see the good in everyone and everything. I pray that I continue. It is difficult and at times I am losing it and getting frustrated with things!
So the last 2weeks or so have been unique to say the least! What is happening in the world at the moment feels surreal! I feel sad for those who are suffering and hope that everyone manages to find some rainbow colours during these difficult times🤲🏳️🌈 ( i was so excited to hear about people putting pictures of rainbows up in their windows and children can see how many they can spot).
I was looking forward to finally being able to drive and see my friends and family once chemo stopped. But God had other plans…instead he has given me more time to stay home, reflect and spend time with the kids🎉. I feel like the world has joined me in being given a chance to just stop and be!! Oh and with the no hugging and social distancing lol!!
The last few weeks I have felt free as i am no longer in bed most of the time and I can walk up and down the stairs without getting out of breath! I have even been cooking only with fresh ingredients! Before my diagnosis I was so busy that I was looking for shortcuts for dinner, such as tinned tomatoes, frozen onions ready oven dishes. Now it’s all about the fresh fruit and vegetables!! I have the time and energy right now so I can! Kids are older so they join in!
A pic that DD took which i thought was quite cool! 👆
Let’s find my rainbow colours in the Lockdown :
🏳️🌈 not rushing around for school and other activities .
🏳️🌈 Time! Although if I am honest I still feel there are not enough hours in the day!! I mean how??? I think i spend too much time preparing food and eating 🙈
🏳️🌈 we now have dinner as a family. Kids can stay up later so we can wait for DH to get home. This was impossible with school!
🏳️🌈 can get to know the kids more and listen to them. The conversations can get so deep…love it!
🏳️🌈 kids are helping out with the housework and learning life skills. Yes I believe knowing how to fold clothes and mop are definitely important life skills !!🎖
🏳️🌈 i get to play Forza (a driving game on DS’s xbox). Oh how I was dreaming to be able to drive again….This is the best alternative for now and i am actually really good!!! DS agrees!
🏳️🌈 sitting in the garden and watching the kids play and laugh!
🏳️🌈 the sound of the birds clearer than ever as there are few cars passing.
🏳️🌈 being able to call loved ones who I have not been able to for a while! Not getting very far with this because I still cant multi task but am hoping to make some calls soon.
🏳️🌈 learning to use the apps to socialise with family and friends.
🏳️🌈 spring cleaning!
🏳️🌈 seeing the sun shining when I wake up
🏳️🌈 Praying with the kids and discussing our TeaSPoon prayers for the day. (Thank you for… Sorry for… and Please….).
🏳️🌈 Gardening with kids and seeing the seeds grow. Waiting for the raspberries to make an appearance 🤞.
🏳️🌈 hot weather is coming 🌞🌞🌞
🏳️🌈 Amazon and Asos!! 😉
🏳️🌈 increased awareness of hygiene.
Wow that was easier than I thought and I actually came up with so many positives!
I am so glad I made a rash decision to go to the garden centre just a few days before the lockdown. I just needed to drive, get out of the house and feel free! So me and DS went up the road the garden centre. We spent over an hour there and bought seeds, compost and some plants. Loved every minute of it ! Didn’t tell anyone until we got back as I shouldn’t really have been out alone (well without an adult!)🤫
DS has taken his responsibility of watering them everyday very seriously😇
Well done to all the kids out there for adapting to their new ‘norm’. Let’s join the clapping today(Sunday) at 3pm to acknowledge what our children are going through during this difficult time. Especially the younger ones who just don’t understand why they can’t go to nursery anymore or to the park or to see their grandparents. And also the older children who will not be taking their GCSE and ALevel exams that they have been working so hard towards!
If you are looking for a book to read I thoroughly recommend Anita Moorjani’s book “Dying to be me” which I have mentioned a few times in my earlier posts. She has also written one for children.
Suddenly there is no hurry to be anywhere. We are given the precious gift of time! Time to be free from our normal fast pace! Time to do the things that never got to the top of our to-do lists! Time to be mindful and present in the moment. Time to actually Listen to our children and not just hear them while we are doing other things . Time to tall to our parents and loved ones. Time to acknowledge the beautiful nature around us.
It felt good to write things down again. I must make more time for this.
So the Corona virus needs to be mentioned. It seems to have taken over our attention at the moment and yes it is worrying especially for those who are vulnerable. I pray for the protection of everyone!
But what a wake up call!Are we actually the ones in control of our lives?
A virus which is completely invisible to us seems to have taken over our lives! We think that we are in charge today? What an opportunity for us to learn so many things about ourselves , others and the Almighty!
💜 Kindness to others.
Those who truly need the toilet roll or pasta for their regular shop?It makes me sad to see the supermarket shelves empty. We are hoarding all this extra stock while there are people trying to just get by on their weekly budget? Is this not an opportunity to be kind and generous to those around us. The elderly, lonely and vulnerable. What lessons are we teaching the kids? Let’s be kind…
💜 Faith!
Allah (swt) is the highest power and we will always be dependant on him. Even with all this Science development. Such advanced technology, gadgets etc, we are still weak. He is reminding us that he is there and naturally, we tend to remember him more in times of need.
💜 Community.
How lucky we are to be a part of a community. Be it school, church, mosque, or a football community. The feeling of belonging and people looking out for each other! All that LOVE! (Reminds me of the book I started reading yesterday about the power of Love and the law of attraction.) ⏬
So we attract what we give. If we give love, we will attract love in some sort of way. If you hurt someone’s feelings, that also always comes back to you but you may not realise the form in which it comes back to you! Obviously I am not doing justice to the book by trying to summarise in a few sentences but just to give a you a feel. This book was always very special for my Late Dad and I am so lucky to have his actual hard copy!
💜 Cleanliness!
Stay clean, wash your hands and use antibacterial gel. Of course! A reminder to stay clean in our daily lives. Something we must all do but what a reminder for us. Do we take for granted the water and hand soaps we always have readily available! The water we have for our daily showers or even bubblebath 😉! For those of us who make the time lol…i’m giving myself ideas now and what a way to wash off any germs!! 🛁 Let’s appreciate the things we take for granted 🤲
A quote from another one of Dad’s favourite author! 👆💙😇
Ok I am ready for the day!I can’t believe it is Saturday already! Lots of hospital visits coming up next week!Please remember me in your prayers. My immunity is at the lowest it has been but God is great! 🤲🤲🤲
I am eagerly waiting to be able to have more anti sickness meds so I thought I would write as it always passes my time!
So having just had International Women’s day on Sunday, it sparked a conversation with DB and DN about the importance of women. Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) sprung to my mind immediately and how he brought awareness to people about treating women with equality and respect. Looking into his life, he has taught us so much.
A few things he demonstrated for us to learn from about how to treat women;
💙 He married a working business lady and she proposed to him! This was a huge thing in those where ladies were expected not to be heard and to just stay in the house and provide for her husband and children.
💙 He stood up as a sign of respect whenever his daughter, Fatima, entered the room!
💙 He forbade the burial of baby girls which was the norm at that time.
What a great personality to look up to especially appropriate in raising awareness of the importance of women today.
Anyway, back to the conversation which then(naturally in a family dominated by boys!) sparked the question..why os there no International mens day? So I googled it and there is! I did actually know this but had forgotten. It’s that Movember where everyone wears moustaches! ⏬
There you go boys! It just seems that us women are better at promoting our day 😝
I understand that there is a lot of focus on women empowerment these days and (with my chemo brain!) I attempted to explain to them that we do love them as men but they have somehow automatically been given the higher status and power in society. Where as women are having to fight for it and prove themselves and self worth.
Ok it’s time for my meds yay! Thanks for helping me pass the time🥰🥰🥰
Have a good day all. The beautiful sun has risen☀️🌅🌄🌇🌞
My Rainbow🌈 