New chemo not worked

I have not written for a while as i was trying to get my head around a lot of things. Chemo round 3 of the new medicine was initially postponed twice due to low immunity. Which was unusual as this never happened with the first round of chemo (called Folfox for those who know). During this delay i was sent to have scans to check that there was no other reasons for my breathing issues and left side pain/cramping.

Luckily during these scans they happened to check on the affected lymph nodes and noticed that they had actually got larger. So we have stopped the chemo for now as it is clearly not working. New bloods have been sent off to try and find a new treatment that would work for me.

I was disheartened. Yes. This chemo has been really tough for me and i kept saying that it must be working and killing off all the cancer cells as well as the good ones. I reassured myself with this when i was having really bad days. So to find out it hasn’t done anything. In fact, things have got worse, was a shock.

Good news is that there are no new growths Alhamdulillah (praise be to God). Oh and i get the Holy Month of Ramadhan without chemo so can hopefully partake more. Muslims fast (no food and drink) during daylight hours everyday for the month. We are to refrain from negative thoughts/actions. A time to reflect. Are we happy with ourselves? What can we change to become better human beings? Do good to others and get closer to the Almighty.
As a muslim, this is a really special time for us to spiritually update ourselves!

As my health is compromised, i am not expected to fast. I miss it. I have always loved fasting as it gives the digestive system a break and most of the time i actually had more energy. Anyway, i look forward to spending more time speaking to God and starting new good habits. I have given up all unhealthy snacks! I love the atmosphere at home during this time as we spend much more time together as a family. I love our discussions at the dining table. My goal, starting from this month, is to meditate for 10 mins every day.

Got some more tests for the heart today. The Last 2 weeks i have been in so much pain around the abdomen and back. No idea why! Hoping that it subsides so that i can fully enjoy my time off until the next treatment. Hoping for some good news soon for treatment options🤲

The colours:
🏳️‍🌈 no chemo during Ramadhan!
🏳️‍🌈 time for my body to recuperate
🏳️‍🌈 the sun is shining. Warmer days are coming!
🏳️‍🌈 we are getting the garden done and it is looking more beautiful by the day!

See ya xxx