Chemo #2 second round

Very mixed emotions over the last few days. Chemo day was nearing and anxiety kicking in. Anxiety about what? First of all the initial inserting of needle into my portacath. It is my least favourite part of the day at hospital. But the great thing is it is over and done with at the beginning.🎉 Also, the anxiety of side effects and how severe or mild they will be this time. Hoping mild!!

As I settle in my hospital room…I start to think again. The last few weeks have been tough. It was almost like I got re diagnosed and had to understand and accept all my new feelings about the whole situation. I am dealing with it now. I am accepting it again. I keep looking forward to good days but also trying to make the most of the here and now as well. I absolutely love that the kids there when I need a boost if energy. Watching them laugh, play silly games and enjoy themselves gives me so much joy. I think about the people who have been going through treatment for years. What they must go through! Those who do not have the support (both physical and mental). I have everything and more!! I am grateful!! Alhamdulillah!

I am not feeling as strong as I did the first time around. I am hopeful that I will get there through the help of the Almighty. I have also started meditation again. Hoping that it becomes a part of my daily routine forever. Not just during treatment.

The more I meditate and reflect, the more I am realising that everything we do is meant to happen. People we meet, things we see and hear. It is all a sign of something. We just have to take the time to recognise them and understand what we are meant to be learning from it all.

I miss having DH at the hospital with me. Nobody is allowed in anymore because of Covid. Understandable. Going to go and have my lunch now. I am extremely saddened to say that it is not jacket potato as i think i am not a fan anymore!!! It may be because I now associate it with chemo 🤔. Well, I hope I do like them again soon!! Or find a good enough replacement lol.

Colours in the rainbow:
🏳️‍🌈 I love that I have a few days before each chemo where i have minimal symptoms! Just fatigue which I know will get worse with each progressive session.

🏳️‍🌈 this is temporary and I know that I will feel normal again once treatment is over

🏳️‍🌈 the nurses are so loving and energetic. I have got to know most of them now and they are all wonderful! Don’t know how they have so much patience and are always smiling!

🏳️‍🌈 love my wireless headphones. No extra tangled wires to worry about!!

🏳️‍🌈 everyone has goodness in them!

Over and out xxx